Take me there ..

Oka little update here since its been a little bit..
Anyways, about Sidney - well ive had just about enough of his coughing, i love the little guy and even though he doesnt cough nearly as much as he used to .. he still does, and its leading me to believe maybe he was born with some kid of fluid in his lungs or something? You know like when or if a baby is born and they come out and they have fluid in their lungs.. well im starting to feel like thats maybe his case. Not sure just an assumption i mean i really hope he wouldnt be but it wouldnt make me love him any less. That little dog is my one little pride and joy, but with everything good there comes bad.. which leads me to my next point.
Well as we all know i am SO not the college student, but i think eventually after enough bullshit you finally turn into one.. atleast all the bullshit finally adds up to atleast motivating you to become one! haha That and i think that not everyone is ready for college right out of highschool, some need time to get theirselves together and some just really aren't cut out for the whole college grounds. Needless to say after 2 years i am finally ready for college. Who would have thought? Not me!! haha Anyways i decided that since i slacked off and didnt go to any of my classes for the first two years and totally wasted my parents money - well this time i told them i want to pay for it all, i would much rather be spending my hard earned money as apposed to theirs. This way i am clearly not wasting more of their money and hopefully since the fact that it is actually my money that i will be motivated to atleast go to class and do good - no one likes the thought of wasting their own money, so hopefully that and how shitty Butler and the BMH are... hopefully all that is just enough motivation to get me through college.
Anyway the plan is to redeem myself at BC3 this fall semester, since for two years i maybe went to my classes hmm 5 times? And thats probably giving me the benefit of the doubt.. seriously haha. So if i do however do good in the few classes i am going to take at the cube then i know that i am finally ready to be that college student. I plan on taking just a few online classes this way i can still work both my jobs and i will be able to save up a little cause here is the shocking news.. i'm finally moving!! Its not going to be the beach, obviously not somewhere i would chose over Butler really, but for the time being.. its something i need. I am going to continue working both of my jobs up until December. Then i will be packing my bags and moving on up to Clarion! Now clearly Clarion is not the dream place at all ... BUT i am going to go up and look for a one bedroom apartment and a part time job up there, hopefully one like a dentist office, daycare, or basically anything that needs registration or something to the fact, or even if hiring possibly at the Clarion hospital. But if all else fails i can always go back to waitressing until i do stubble on a decent paying part time job where i will be able to afford my rent & bills. It is of course a big move but i feel as if its something i need for myself, i hate Butler i hate everything about this town from the fact that there isnt anything to do, to the massive amount of drugs that everyone and their mom seems to be on, to just the people here. Everyone lives as if they are still in highschool and its sad to say that even at the hospital that the 30,40, even 50 year olds i work with STILL act like they are in freaking highschool and i cannot stand it anymore. Not saying it will be any different up there cause people will be people, but atleast i will have a fresh start with people and wont know as many where i can fully focus on my schooling. So i will be going part time at first and make sure that its what i really want, they have a really great radiology program there it is however 4 years but i am just going to take my general along with a few classes needed for the program. That way i can kinda get a hang of things before basically throwing myself into a fish tank of sharks. Since i will be working im sure ill be taking a few online classes up there also to free up enough time for me to work, I have been looking at apartments kinda reviewing the prices and what not and i did find some one bedroom apts that ranged around $270-300. Which is fairly decent and hopefully something i can fall into, but i'll be keeping my fingers crossed! =) I was offered to live with two other girls up there but the way i figure is its not easy living with someone else, i already learned that with my last roommate. And by the time the price i would be paying to get a house with 2 other girls it would be ranging around $400 a month, so i would rather just have my own place just to be on the safe said cause it wouldnt be any more then living with them, hopefully it would be alot cheaper! haha But i am looking for jobs and places now just kinda browsing and asking questions that way come January i am not just rushing and jumping around trying to just find a place to drop myself, since ill be living up there for atleast a year i want somewhere i am happy. This may all be wishful thinking - but its what i want and need in my life , so like i said keeping my fingers crossed that everything all goes according to plan! I mean its either that what i really want to do, or settle for getting a place here with my best Cait & another girl in SRU, and just try finding a full time job and stay living in Butler, and although that sounds like oh yea party central and easy way out, but in the long run where will it really get me? Cause they are both going to be at SRU and i will be just working around Butler still and when they are all done and graduated with whatever they are going for they will be going out, getting out of Butler and finding jobs and what will i have to fall back on besides the memories of ''hanging out and partying'' .. yaa well although i can be quiet the partier and i know how to drink trust me, i however dont want to be that old lady working at Walmart as a bag lady. No offense to those of you that do, just not my cup of tea. I have bigger standards and dreams for myself then that..
Oka enough about that, im sure by now your all like god whats happening in the crazy world of guys in Joelle's life... WELL haha, im not even going to begin to tell you that yet ANOTHER ex of mine has re-entered my life last week.. im not sure why me and my ex's always still click or come back to eachother .. but somehow it always happens. I mean look at me and Zach, its been about 7 years and we still can fall right back into eachothers arm's as if it was when we first got together.. Although with us, it can either be really good or really bad. We fight we make up we fight we make up some more.. but after 7 years, he is still oka with us doing that because that is what he is used to and claims he needs me and that is what we do we fight and make up thats just us but thats not enough for me.. although i do believe it is a good thing we can handle eachother at the others worst but at the same time, its not something i want is to constantly be fighting like that - its like come on grow up now. Obviously he is someone that will always be close to me because i love him dearly but as for an ''us'', well i just dont ever see that again. As for Joe, the newly added back Ex, well my ma claims i will one day marry him because we are just too stubborn to be together, but i dont believe that is the case.. i mean for awhile it is but after 2 years he still feels like he owns me i feel like, and i dont like that.. im no ones property and i am certainly not that girl to let someone boss them around and walk all over them, which is the kind of girl Joe needs. As for Ryan (the super nice guy that i have always been friends with and never looked at anything else til like a month ago) well ya he is a really nice guy and maybe its just like the typical me to push the nice guy away, but im not ready for a relationship nor do i want one at the moment. i want to focus on nothing but school and getting my life together, i want to be happy instead of content. He is a really great guy but sometimes people are just better off as just friends, and i believe that is the case there. As for Fred (the convict ex - god how bad does that sound! haha) well i did just mail him back out another letter, i recieved one back from him again last week and he said his court date is Aug. 4th, so he then will know what his sentence his hopefully, which although he is now a convict i hope and pray for him that he can get into boot camp for the 6th months rather then spend 2-6 years in jail - i just dont think that its fair that the other day in the newspaper not one but 2 guys just got sentenced with their 7th DUI and they are just now going to jail for 2-6 years, where he gets 3 DUI's, regardless the drug paraphernalia he got busted with when he was younger .. i dont think that even is close to qualifying to be in prison with murders and rapist, or dudes with 7 DUI's. and he claims and his dad even says he really seems to have changed and understands what he did was wrong so i really believe with all my heart he has learned his lesson and one put behind those bars it was loud and clear that he was an idiot. But at the same time you cant be a hypocrite due to the fact that he is actually in jail because there are how many other people out there that have drank and drove, they just got away with it. I wont lie because i have been one of them, several times - it was dumb but at the time it seemed alright, but from my friend Missy's DUI and then Fred's, well lets just say them getting busted has made me realize how stupid and not worth it it really is, therefore i havent done it since nor will i ever. Shit as much as i love beer i wont have one sip and get in that car, i just wont. But thats just me. But now its safe to say that i dont want anything to do with a guy or relationship of any kind right now, i am really determined to just get to school and get through it and i dont need shit like what guys put me through on my mind! Trust me, i just dont! haha.
So there is your weekly update kids, i need to get back to making some coffee & icecream for the kids.. gotta love my 2nd job =) haha but hey, its easy money is all i got to say! Have a good one!

xoxo
Joelle