I told you so

First off, im damn sick of this rain .. the clarks are playing tonight at the fair and i want to go so Dear God, please hold off the rain while they play.. thanks =)
Continuing on.. As much as i would like to say im happy, im not. I had to take Sidney to the vet about a week ago because he had a cough.. Dr said it was doggie bronchitis. Poor little guy - so i got him some cough meds, but i specifically told the damn vet NOT to give me the med she was because i was told since he is so little that his immune system wasnt built up big enough to be able to get better on the antibiotic she was trying to prescribe. But being a dr she insisted on giving it to me trying to convince me it would work, so after i fight i clearly wasnt going to win - i gave in and bought the shit. A week later.. what do ya know! I am stayin up all night because my little guy is coughing his lungs up so bad that he is now choking. Needless to say, i was not a happy camper with the vet... so the next morning at work i called the Vet bitching saying how the med wasnt working like i said it wasnt going to and she instantly prescribed me a stronger and better medicine to fit his little puppy body. At a discounted price at that after i showed up at the vets after work strongly stating my opinion that this wouldnt be happening if she would have just listened to me in the first place. But any who Sidney seems to have gotten better with his new meds and isnt coughing as much, which is always a plus. You know its funny because i always made fun of people that treated their pets like their kids.. when who would have guessed in the future i too would turn a puppy into my baby boy. He is just like a baby since he is so little and young and he knows his mama well.. he knows im the one to spoil him but he also knows his ''No- no's.'' Staying up with him all night and hearing him cough and see he was sick broke my heart.. i felt so bad for the little guy that is why i determined to get him better, and id like to think i am doing a pretty good job being a new mom so far. haha =) It was funny lastnight i stayed out all night and i let ashley puppysit, well just so you know he sleeps in my bed everynight and never once peed or anything in my bed or my room .. the one night he stays in her bed i was told she woke up at 7 this morning screaming her head off because he peed her bed. hahaha now to me - i cracked up!! she now is pissed at him but i just thought it was funny cause he knows better then to do that to my bed haha.. and if you know ashley, she flipped!
Moving on..
well needless to say i caved and went to mikes lastnight to talk about things, i was in a drunken rage when i arrived and as you can imagine me being the bitch i am and having a little too much alcohol in me when im mad - well, not a good mixture.. i had alot to say to mike and well if you know me you know im a veryyy honest person, so i didnt sugar coat shit for him. I felt bad for his friend he was with cause it was the first time he met me since he just got back from Iraq and me and mike were fighting like a married couple bitching back and forth (no offense married people) But thats what always happens with us, because he is an asshole & im a bitch, its just what we do best haha. Then after all the bitching he really started being a dick and was criticizing everything i did or said then i REALLY started to get irate with him. So then he started to get a little sick from too many shots so i of course then played the sweetheart scene and took care of him then told him i was going to leave but he didnt want me to.. but when it came to me walking downstairs and out the door he then snapped back with it. I said what needed to be said and tried to go on with my night but when i went to leave mike wouldnt let me and kept trying to hug me and kiss me and then after lots of fighting to put it nicely, then for the next two hours we made up. haha....
Oka as for the whole ''i told you so'' thing.. Let me introduce you to Zachary James Edwards (not exactly the one the got away, more like one of the ones i pushed away but he's here to stay) Well this november i was supposed to move to cali with an Ex, now this isnt just any old random Ex .. you have to know the story on him & us but really i dont have enough time in the day to tell you all that. haha and well lets just say the quote from the movie the notebook- ''Well that's what we do. We fight. You tell me when I'm being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you are being a pain in the ass. Which you are 99% of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have like a two second rebound rate and your back do doing the next pain in the ass thing.'' - ya totally nailed us on that one. but anyways he decided to move to cali for the winter last year and he is now back home for the summer and i was supposed to move back with him this nov when he goes back .. and things were going great i really thought he changed and grew up and knew what his priorities were in life as apposed to going out and getting shitty every night thinking life was just one big party. He really had me convinced he had changed.. well come april when i picked him up at the airport things were indefinably awesome. I was finally so happy again and as was he.. but as expected a few weeks later with being back with his party animal friends he became his old partying self again. And well ya i do go out and party but maybe once or twice a week.. not every day, i mean we are not in highschool anymore - grow up already huh! So after months of trying again i finally just sealed the deal and called it quits for good. I wasnt happy anymore and i wasnt about to play the lead of the strict unhappy and not trusting girlfriend. Its just not my thing. So i really did drop it all and drop him basically after all these years, now saying oka now your free go party your life away - but i just hope your happy with your decision of when you come home from the party i hope your so much happier coming home to no one because you did straight pick to party over me - but hey your choice, who am i to judge? im just the one who is not putting up with it. ANYWAYS haha lately he has been calling and texting saying how he misses me and i said ya but you always do this and every time i come back its the same thing over and over and it has been for years.. but he says no this time its different - ya sweetheart well actions speak louder then words and if anything ive learned ya it can be different for a little while but you always go back to the party & doing your stupid guy things. Which not to brag, sound conceited, or like a stuck up bitch ... BUT i wouldnt be a step out of place at all and it wouldn't even be an understatement to say that i was defiantly the best thing that has ever happened to the guy. Which hello? I'm just a badass person with an awesome personality haha.. hard to forget and hard to replace -Better then your last and defiantly better then your next. =)
Anyway now that you got a little bit of a backround on us -So like i said he has been saying how he misses me and what not and then (as bad as this may sound) lastnight after i left mikes, zach calls me, which he has been texting me all day saying how he missed me and every thing he does reminds him of me. Well who would have guessed you missed me since im really not there anymore?? Hm, certainly not me. I knew it wouldnt be long before he realized this time he defiantly lost the best thing he ever had.. Anyway he calls and basically breaks down telling me so much he has been wanting to for awhile now but he is the type that he does not show his feelings at all, he keeps the bottled up inside. He continues on saying how he has this dream a few nights ago and it was something like i was having my grad party at his house and theres more to it but im not going to sit here and bore you with that, anyways point of the story he said i was up in his room crying about something and it broke his heart to see me crying and he said i just wouldnt stop and he kept hugging me tryin to clam me down but it wasnt working and i just kept crying and he couldnt stop me and felt so helpless. He said we then talked about things but i was still crying so he then started crying .. well he said then he woke up at 6am that morning and was actually litterly crying. He said he couldnt believe it and then couldnt fall back asleep and then realized that as much as he thought he was over me, he really wasnt and wasnt sure if he ever would be, and that i have been on his mind constantly. Again me not shocked .. i asked why he has never told me about this before because he said it always happens to him that ill be on his mind all the time and he wants nothing more then to be with me and realizes he lost me and it kills him and it all lead back to how he doesnt open up with his feelings he just keeps them bottled in. Well we talked for well over an hour but i wasnt caving in that fast, nor am i. I took an oath and ima stick to it. I love the kid dearly thats a fact, but i am way too stubborn to give into him that easily. As much as i wanted to i just wanted to scream in his face, ''I TOLD YOU SO!!'' - you should have just listened in the first place.. i may be blonde, but im not an idiot. lol. And you gotta work to show me you changed and you want and deserve me, not just anyone can be blessed with my presences ok! hahaha!! =) No but for real I dont settle for anything short of everything and thats just how i am.
As for Fred, i havnet heard anything from him again yet.. i just mailed out the letter responding back to the whole four leaf clover thing. Which yes i do still have it and it still is the most meaningful thing ive received! haha As for work.. still not sure what i want to do, i did however take back my job at the icecream place since i wasnt getting enough hours at the hospital.. the icecream place just sorta fills in my days i dont get at the hospital. I do love that job tho - every day is something new and crazy. Like the other night i had this guy whom i assumed was drunk or on some type of drugs, told me he was drunk with his boss at a party in new york the night before and thought it would be funny to wrestle a grizzly bear - but the bear then cut his foot and i quote, ''The damn bear cut me foot so the next day i killed the f'ing bastard but me boss said i should come get it looked at so here i am, now not trying to be rude Joelle but could you just give me a shot and hurry the F up because im late for a party and frankly i dont want to spend hours here either.'' - i just looked at him and laughed and said sorry sweetheart but i think its going to be awhile and maybe you should stop wrestling them damn bears so you dont have to come in here anymore eh? Oh butler, you gotta love the crazy people! There are some downs to my job tho .. like weds i was working and i had two people die on me :( Now thats depressing enough to ruin your day... esp. when your seeing someone die at 50 from ovarian cancer.. now the other lady monday her heart stopped beating by the time the ambulance got to her house, but then they brought her back to the ER and surprisingly brought her back to life! which i must say was the most amazing thing ive ever seen.. but she later died in the hospital by weds afternoon. But i guess with the good you gotta take the bad..

* Now i can officially welcome you to a day in the life of Joelle Johnson - its one crazy ass life but i love every minute of it .. usually ;) But its time to go get ready for the concert and its sun shining out - yay!! =) have a good weekend kids!!

<3xoxo

a lesson learned.

So im pretty new to this whole thing, but after my mini vaca to Maryland a few weeks ago then of course seeing it on jer's myspace - i decided to give it a try. why not right? It actually works out quiet nicely because i did used to write different things like this whenever i had my lap top, but i broke that shit a long time ago. (opps) anyways lets get on with a little bit of an update i suppose..
Well still haven't found a full time job yet - which is overly stressful, but it is what it is i guess. And as a total hypocrite move i went out and bought a very expensive little pup. But as expensive and not necessary purchase, it may have been one of the best things i ever invested in - because i have grown to love that little guy so much. Since he is a newborn it is just like being a mom and let me tell you its not so bad, its actually a really good feeling and i love it! It only makes me even more excited to have a baby. One day that is... not any time soon thanks! haha But carrying on.. Well i was dating this guy mike whom i thought, ''thought'' being the key word, was actually a good guy for once. Some things he said and actions he took lead me to believe he was actually sincere - little did i know he was just another asshole which is just my luck. And who would have guessed his best friend shortly after got a hold of me and we preceded on hanging out and getting to know one another.. as of now that is still going on but beings that it is mikes best friend, it is hard for me to get close or even be myself around Adam. Only for the mere fact im not one to ''friend bounce'' and be comfortable with it. Especially not comfortable that mike isn't even aware of any of it - he is actually pretty clueless. But truth be told, i think he is closer to his beer then he will ever be to a girl. But hey - thats his choice, other than that he is a great guy, just has no respect. And well i'm sorta all about the respect, thats a major thing for me. But hey - it is what it is, im not too worried about it. It would just be nice to find a good guy for once. Oka thats enough bitching about guys... maybe. haha oka i lied.. =)
On a brighter note i received one of the best and most meaningful things that i have ever received in my life the other day in the mail. (the letter wasnt the meaningful thing, i'll get to that eventually). Anyways - Fred had written me from jail, and although im sure your thinking ..'' umm jail??? '' and yes i didnt stutter, an Ex of mine is in the state jail. haha Well the thing with Fred is he was a pretty cool guy, 25 and his rents had him spoiled rotten since he was an only child. I mean he is a simple guy but his parents bought him his own house, he didnt work besides his own little business of stuffing dead animals (but ew thats gross), they paid his bills and even hired a maid to come clean his house. (what a life i know right) but i needed something more, i wasnt about to live off his parents although the thought seemed kinda nice haha, that just isnt the person i am. I would rather work my life away knowing that i worked to get what i have til this day. And the fact that the kid fell head over heels in love with me practically the minute he saw me didnt help either - considering i do not like clingy guys by any means.. in fact i hate them to be brutally honest about it. I did however put him through hell and back, i wont lie about that - i am one stubborn ass confusing bitch. haha, not on purpose i just have no clue what i want. But as he still states to this very day he will marry me one day, or so he believes. Which i think he just came on a bit to hard and fast for someone like me. He does however have good intentions, Once i was sick and he sent me roses to work with a card that said, '' it is better to marry a man that loves you then a man you love'' - which actually does happen to be a really good and true quote. Because if you think of it, it actually is very good advice. It's defiantly something that will stick with me forever.. But the whole jail thing isnt as bad as it seems.. see the thing was he had been on probation already for something extremely stupid and not his fault, but being the idiot was he took the blame for a friend. Anyway - awhile later he had gotten a DUI which already being on probation sent him straight to the big house, why State? im just not sure .. he said it is a big long crazy story that he hopes told tell me one day. Anyways i was told by some certain individuals that although me and him had our ups and downs and besides the fact he was in jail, that it would be really nice of me to write him just to see whats up and how he was and basically give an update on how life was. And it didnt help that his dad was emailing me also telling me that he had really wanted to hear from me and hopped i wrote to him but didnt to write me and have my parents think i was getting mail from some criminal haha which is understandable. So eventually i caved and wrote him.. and about a week later i got a letter back. Just the basics telling me how jail life was and how he was holding up, how hes been wanting to write and has been but hasnt sent them. Anyways i guess in the letter i wrote him i mentioned that i was having some bad luck finding a job - i didnt drag it out, it was just one simple sentence. So at the bottom of his letter there was a P.s, and the P.s stated...
''Hun i probably shouldn't give you this but i noticed you said in your letter you were having some bad luck, and although i would prefer you to have bad luck only with the guys until i get out.. but i also want you to have good luck in finding a good job to make you happy. I have had just about us much luck as i could considering God lead you into my life. So hopefully you will have some and maybe some day i will come across another clover.''
and sure enough attached was a four leaf clover that him and his dad had found when he was just a boy and i guess he had taken it to jail with him. He had it taped to a little piece of paper so it was still in good shape. And i am SOO not a sappy & crying kind of person.. haha some things get me but i dont like corny things by any means and i can honestly say by reading that and knowing that he was in jail and he has nothing to give me but the only thing he had left. And i could just tell that it truly came right from the heart. I instantly burst into tears after my eyes slowly watered towards the end of the letter.. Now THAT was the most meaningful gift that i have ever received!! And to think it was only a simple thing such as a piece of grass that brought me to break down haha But i have go to say that it was the most thoughtful thing that anyone has ever done for me or given me.. i was at a lose for words - tears just continued to roll down my face for the next hour or so. I have never been so touched by something in my life, if only you could understand the meaning i got from it. It was then i realized that yea he came off a little loopy considering he came on so strong but his intentions were truly and honestly good the whole time. But i was too stubborn to realize it. He truly does have a good and wonderful heart and i only hope the best for him. He is waiting for his DUI to get sentenced still but as of now his minimum is 2 years and his max is 5.. or if he can get into this boot camp thing he can be done with it all in 6 months - which hopefully is the case for his sake. But oka dispite this whole long story .. sorry if it bored you but you sorta had to know a bit of the backround to understand it really.. but the moral of the story is never take anything for granted. You should always give something and someone a chance and try to really understand it or them before you judge. Another thing is when you have something that good make sure you cherish it because it really is a once in a life time thing/feeling that not everyone is lucky to have. Im not saying i regret being a huge bitch to him and taking him down a road of hell.. because well i am sorry that he had to go through some of that shit but at the same time i learned big time from it. And i am so extremely thankful for that and i can just about guarantee you that i will have the clover for the rest of my life only for the fact that that little piece of grass meant more to me then you could imagine. Even though it was the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me.. i still felt bad for taking it and leaving him with nothing, so i wrote him back and i had made me him a copy of the clover.. and although it wasnt it, atleast he had a copy of it and always would.
But oka that was my cute and exciting story for the week. I just had to share it because like i said it was the most meaningful thing thats ever been given to me and to this day im still speechless. Just remember kids its the little things in life that mean the most.. and like i heard from a close friend, '' The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have '' and it couldnt be any more true. Well kids thats just about enough for tonight - poor Sidney has been sleeping on my lap and im beat. Have a good one =)