a lesson learned.

So im pretty new to this whole thing, but after my mini vaca to Maryland a few weeks ago then of course seeing it on jer's myspace - i decided to give it a try. why not right? It actually works out quiet nicely because i did used to write different things like this whenever i had my lap top, but i broke that shit a long time ago. (opps) anyways lets get on with a little bit of an update i suppose..
Well still haven't found a full time job yet - which is overly stressful, but it is what it is i guess. And as a total hypocrite move i went out and bought a very expensive little pup. But as expensive and not necessary purchase, it may have been one of the best things i ever invested in - because i have grown to love that little guy so much. Since he is a newborn it is just like being a mom and let me tell you its not so bad, its actually a really good feeling and i love it! It only makes me even more excited to have a baby. One day that is... not any time soon thanks! haha But carrying on.. Well i was dating this guy mike whom i thought, ''thought'' being the key word, was actually a good guy for once. Some things he said and actions he took lead me to believe he was actually sincere - little did i know he was just another asshole which is just my luck. And who would have guessed his best friend shortly after got a hold of me and we preceded on hanging out and getting to know one another.. as of now that is still going on but beings that it is mikes best friend, it is hard for me to get close or even be myself around Adam. Only for the mere fact im not one to ''friend bounce'' and be comfortable with it. Especially not comfortable that mike isn't even aware of any of it - he is actually pretty clueless. But truth be told, i think he is closer to his beer then he will ever be to a girl. But hey - thats his choice, other than that he is a great guy, just has no respect. And well i'm sorta all about the respect, thats a major thing for me. But hey - it is what it is, im not too worried about it. It would just be nice to find a good guy for once. Oka thats enough bitching about guys... maybe. haha oka i lied.. =)
On a brighter note i received one of the best and most meaningful things that i have ever received in my life the other day in the mail. (the letter wasnt the meaningful thing, i'll get to that eventually). Anyways - Fred had written me from jail, and although im sure your thinking ..'' umm jail??? '' and yes i didnt stutter, an Ex of mine is in the state jail. haha Well the thing with Fred is he was a pretty cool guy, 25 and his rents had him spoiled rotten since he was an only child. I mean he is a simple guy but his parents bought him his own house, he didnt work besides his own little business of stuffing dead animals (but ew thats gross), they paid his bills and even hired a maid to come clean his house. (what a life i know right) but i needed something more, i wasnt about to live off his parents although the thought seemed kinda nice haha, that just isnt the person i am. I would rather work my life away knowing that i worked to get what i have til this day. And the fact that the kid fell head over heels in love with me practically the minute he saw me didnt help either - considering i do not like clingy guys by any means.. in fact i hate them to be brutally honest about it. I did however put him through hell and back, i wont lie about that - i am one stubborn ass confusing bitch. haha, not on purpose i just have no clue what i want. But as he still states to this very day he will marry me one day, or so he believes. Which i think he just came on a bit to hard and fast for someone like me. He does however have good intentions, Once i was sick and he sent me roses to work with a card that said, '' it is better to marry a man that loves you then a man you love'' - which actually does happen to be a really good and true quote. Because if you think of it, it actually is very good advice. It's defiantly something that will stick with me forever.. But the whole jail thing isnt as bad as it seems.. see the thing was he had been on probation already for something extremely stupid and not his fault, but being the idiot was he took the blame for a friend. Anyway - awhile later he had gotten a DUI which already being on probation sent him straight to the big house, why State? im just not sure .. he said it is a big long crazy story that he hopes told tell me one day. Anyways i was told by some certain individuals that although me and him had our ups and downs and besides the fact he was in jail, that it would be really nice of me to write him just to see whats up and how he was and basically give an update on how life was. And it didnt help that his dad was emailing me also telling me that he had really wanted to hear from me and hopped i wrote to him but didnt to write me and have my parents think i was getting mail from some criminal haha which is understandable. So eventually i caved and wrote him.. and about a week later i got a letter back. Just the basics telling me how jail life was and how he was holding up, how hes been wanting to write and has been but hasnt sent them. Anyways i guess in the letter i wrote him i mentioned that i was having some bad luck finding a job - i didnt drag it out, it was just one simple sentence. So at the bottom of his letter there was a P.s, and the P.s stated...
''Hun i probably shouldn't give you this but i noticed you said in your letter you were having some bad luck, and although i would prefer you to have bad luck only with the guys until i get out.. but i also want you to have good luck in finding a good job to make you happy. I have had just about us much luck as i could considering God lead you into my life. So hopefully you will have some and maybe some day i will come across another clover.''
and sure enough attached was a four leaf clover that him and his dad had found when he was just a boy and i guess he had taken it to jail with him. He had it taped to a little piece of paper so it was still in good shape. And i am SOO not a sappy & crying kind of person.. haha some things get me but i dont like corny things by any means and i can honestly say by reading that and knowing that he was in jail and he has nothing to give me but the only thing he had left. And i could just tell that it truly came right from the heart. I instantly burst into tears after my eyes slowly watered towards the end of the letter.. Now THAT was the most meaningful gift that i have ever received!! And to think it was only a simple thing such as a piece of grass that brought me to break down haha But i have go to say that it was the most thoughtful thing that anyone has ever done for me or given me.. i was at a lose for words - tears just continued to roll down my face for the next hour or so. I have never been so touched by something in my life, if only you could understand the meaning i got from it. It was then i realized that yea he came off a little loopy considering he came on so strong but his intentions were truly and honestly good the whole time. But i was too stubborn to realize it. He truly does have a good and wonderful heart and i only hope the best for him. He is waiting for his DUI to get sentenced still but as of now his minimum is 2 years and his max is 5.. or if he can get into this boot camp thing he can be done with it all in 6 months - which hopefully is the case for his sake. But oka dispite this whole long story .. sorry if it bored you but you sorta had to know a bit of the backround to understand it really.. but the moral of the story is never take anything for granted. You should always give something and someone a chance and try to really understand it or them before you judge. Another thing is when you have something that good make sure you cherish it because it really is a once in a life time thing/feeling that not everyone is lucky to have. Im not saying i regret being a huge bitch to him and taking him down a road of hell.. because well i am sorry that he had to go through some of that shit but at the same time i learned big time from it. And i am so extremely thankful for that and i can just about guarantee you that i will have the clover for the rest of my life only for the fact that that little piece of grass meant more to me then you could imagine. Even though it was the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me.. i still felt bad for taking it and leaving him with nothing, so i wrote him back and i had made me him a copy of the clover.. and although it wasnt it, atleast he had a copy of it and always would.
But oka that was my cute and exciting story for the week. I just had to share it because like i said it was the most meaningful thing thats ever been given to me and to this day im still speechless. Just remember kids its the little things in life that mean the most.. and like i heard from a close friend, '' The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have '' and it couldnt be any more true. Well kids thats just about enough for tonight - poor Sidney has been sleeping on my lap and im beat. Have a good one =)